Organized crime, CIA, counterintel, or just the weirdest Uber drivers on the planet? Either way, I’m done!

From “Toni the Brazilian” broadcasting his life story, to gang members demanding dispatch prioritize their rides, to the Albanian mafia (and whatever cartel is next in line), it’s like an all-access pass to a criminal podcast in every Uber.

Sure, I had a chuckle at the old-school Mexico vibes over at Se Siente Macho, but nobody wants their driver telling cartel stories along the way.

And the weirdest part? These drivers seem to know bits and pieces about me!

Just like I can guess about them—without checking profiles or figuring out their disguised voices! It’s a little uncanny that modulators.

And politics? Brace yourself. Like it or not, Trump will win again.

Because honestly, socialism in the U.S. is about as successful as my attempts at getting sleep, and don’t get me started on Obama’s “democracy” yard sale. Was it a clearance event? Who’s the lucky buyer? But that’s another story.

The CIA? Let’s just say, some of them play dirtier than any cartel. Ask them, but it might not be in “national interest.” So…whose interest?

And for the record, I don’t need any clues about my own life, thank you very much!

I was up all night running on caffeine, watching over my kid. And if there’s one thing I know, it’s this: intelligence agencies and gangs alike fall because their strategies are often as biased and clueless as some of my Uber drivers.

Terrorists? Please, now you’re making me laugh. Define “terrorist” for yourself, and maybe I’ll give you the crash course on what that really means in the eyes of “socialism.”

But you probably already get it.

I’m not some super spy—I’m just an exhausted American nurse who wants to be just that.

No “industry,” no “intelligence,” no “dirty deeds.” Twisted or “woke,” socialist or communist—it’s not American freedom, and frankly, I’m all out of cares to give.

And if I look old, tired, and about as chic as a raccoon at dawn, that’s just life after a sleepless night in a madhouse.

So, I hope you and your friends had a laugh! But next time you see my Uber request, just pass it up and go on your merry way.

Dirty intelligence and dodgy drivers? I’m over it. Enjoy the rain, y’all!