Broken in Hell: A Christmas Night That Changed Everything

Short personal fiction / symbolic narrative

Two days before Christmas, I was physically and spiritually broken.

This story is written by a woman with no friends, many enemies, and a body shaking from legally induced opioid withdrawal. A woman living in a country that breaks its own people—through corruption, communism, violence, fear, and systems that pretend to protect while slowly destroying souls.

But this story did not begin with pain.

It began with love.

My child wanted to give me a Christmas gift. A simple one. A moment together. What mother would say no? No matter the weather, no matter the exhaustion, I went. When he said, “Let’s go,” I answered without hesitation.

That night, the rain was heavy. Dark. Relentless. The streets were empty. Only the two of us walked, hand in hand, spending our little money, enjoying the city in silence.

Nothing warned me of what was coming.

Until the shop.

The Nuts Shop

At first, it was nothing special. Just another small stand selling Chinese-style nut-filled dough balls. But something was different.

The vibe.

My child—who never asks for food—stopped suddenly and said,
“I want nuts from here.”

We stood there in the storm. Wind, rain, darkness. Five minutes passed. Then ten. Then fifteen. Almost half an hour.

The young woman selling the food moved strangely slowly. Not rude. Not busy. Just… detached. As if time worked differently for her. As if we were waiting inside a loop that only she controlled.

And my child seemed mesmerized—drawn by the smell, the waiting, the moment.

Why did we stay?

I still ask myself that.

The Encounter

Then I noticed him.

A young man. He looked no older than fourteen. Too pale. Too thin. His arms were unnaturally long beneath black clothing. His eyes—sharp, watching. His fingers moved strangely near his watch, as if measuring something invisible.

Next to him stood another figure, heavier, darker, aggressive in presence. Something about them felt wrong. Not dangerous in a loud way—but in a quiet, unsettling one.

We stood together in the rain, waiting for nuts.

In a temporal loop.

The young man smiled, as if he wanted to speak. Normally, I would have answered. But something inside me rejected the moment completely. A deep instinct screamed no.

I looked at my child and made a small sign: This is crazy. We’re leaving.

And we left.

The Fall

Five hundred meters later, at a bridge between two streets, something changed.

The air felt heavy. Pressured. As if the ground shifted beneath me.

And then I fell.

Hard.

Pain exploded through my body. A broken leg. The world blurred. Strangers appeared. An ambulance. Long waiting hours in wet clothes. Fear, shock, exhaustion.

The nuts—still intact.

That detail haunted me. AGAIN about nuts!
Similarity? A “date with a nut” sent me poisoned to hospital last year!

Aftermath

The days that followed were worse.

Surgery. Pain medication – Opioids. Then withdrawal. Cold sweats. Palpitations. Nausea. Anxiety. Darkness. My child counting my breaths, whispering:
“If you stop breathing, I’ll shake you.”

And I woke up. Every time.

I am a nurse. I know what withdrawal feels like. I know what overdose feels like. I know how easily pain can turn into dependence. And I refused to let that happen to me.

Cold turkey.

I will not become another casualty of a system that creates addiction and calls it treatment.

What This Story Is Really About

This is a story about aliens and very dirty and dark intelligence!

It is a story about fear, trauma, exhaustion, and how the human mind searches for meaning when reality becomes unbearable.

It is about how societies fail their people.
How pain isolates.
How love—especially a child’s love—keeps us alive.

And how close we all are to breaking.

This Christmas, I learned one thing clearly:

Evil does not need monsters.
It only needs systems that forget humanity.

And faith—faith in something higher than suffering—is sometimes the only thing that keeps us standing.

Tears in Hell

I cried. I cried through my childhood, my teenage years, and even during my marriage, surviving both emotional and physical abuse.

And then I became wild—wild so that no one would ever touch me again. Ever!

But no one taught me that people struggling with mental health issues could destroy you even worse than physical abuse.

Because women, like me, always try to fix someone. And that’s the trap!

No one can truly be fixed. No one can be taken care of .

Mental health struggles can’t be cured—they can be managed, controlled, and balanced, but never cured.

And if you try to fix them, you will lose the battle. Every. Single. Time.

So I cried again. From 2002 to 2007, I cried every single day—worse on Christmas than on any other day. Like today.

Because people with mental health issues are unable to realize what they’re doing.

To them, it’s normal. But their “normality” isn’t normal.

I read hundreds of books. I took hundreds of classes.

And still, I learned this hard truth: people with mental health struggles CAN use and manipulate others—because no one will tells them the truth about THEM own selves!

No one says: “You are mental sick, and if you’re not aware of it, your behavior will hurt and destroy normal people. Or worse—others who are already hurted because of someone like you.”

So I cried.

Until one day, I was saved and FREE in the USA.

But I wasn’t safe. I was still an easy target—still used and abused. Vulnerable people will always remain vulnerable until they become aware of their vulnerabilities.

But today, the cycle of my abuse ended!

No more tears. No more wild responses. No more being manipulated by narcissistic behaviors. No more ignorance of toxic dynamics like triangulation. No more tolerating obsessive or controlling behaviors.

Today, I stood up and spoke out.

This is the truth. This is THE normal—not madness, not chaos, not twisted behaviors.

Like it or not, everyone is free to embrace their own “madness”—but NOT with me. Not around me.

So today, I didn’t cry. I wasn’t wild. I simply said: NO.

No to manipulation. No to madness.

Normality, not Craziness!

Body Dissociation Disorder is NOT Gender Dysphoria

Before diagnosing someone with gender dysphoria, be sure that it is not a body dissociation disorder or a feeling of estrangement from their own body, which can be part of various other mental health conditions (e.g., DPDR, BDD, DID, PTSD, anxiety disorders, depression, schizophrenia or other psychotic disorders, substance use disorders, or other neurological conditions). Not all are transgender!

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Today, on my way home, I encountered about ten transgender individuals, each more flamboyant than the last. Many of them exhibited clear signs and symptoms of mental health disorders.

This made me question whether society has perhaps made a significant error by normalizing transgenderism and promoting it in a manner similar to the decriminalization of drugs.

What if many of these transgender individuals were misdiagnosed based on what they said rather than on what their conditions actually are?

A poorly conducted differential diagnosis between a body dissociation disorder or a feeling of estrangement from one’s own body versus gender dysphoria could misguide a person with a primary medical condition onto the wrong path.

When I looked at the statistics, the percentage for gender dysphoria is low compared to all other mental health conditions where body dissociation could appear.

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“Depersonalization-derealization disorder is a mental health condition where you feel disconnected from your body, your feelings, and your environment. It tends to come and go over a long period and causes distress and anxiety.”

When you feel disconnected from your own body, you might observe it from the outside and start having negative feelings towards it, usually hate. When you hate your body, you want to change it. Voilà! You want to become the opposite of what you are!

But this is not necessarily gender dysphoria. It could be anything and everything else but not gender dysphoria.

And your patient is NOT transgender!

Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder (DPDR)

Depersonalization presents as a sense of detachment or estrangement from one’s own body, thoughts, or feelings. People may feel like they are observing themselves from outside their body or feel like they are in a dream. Significant trauma and other factors can cause this!

Derealization is a sense of detachment from the surrounding environment, where the world feels unreal, distant, or distorted.

Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD)

This mental health condition involves a person being preoccupied with perceived flaws or defects in their physical appearance. They often look in the mirror for defects and may use masks and body coverage. They could use cross-dressing and disguises to hide the parts of their bodies they are concerned about, leading to a sense of disconnection or estrangement from those body parts.

Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID)

Previously known as multiple personality disorder, DID involves the presence of two or more distinct identities or personality states. Individuals with DID may experience dissociation and detachment from their body as they shift between different identities. They are not transgender; they have cross-dressing desires based on this diagnosis.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Individuals with PTSD, especially those with a history of severe or prolonged trauma, may experience dissociation as a coping mechanism. This can include a sense of detachment from their body or environment. For example, in the movie “Lady Valor,” an amazing Army officer and former transgender individual experienced a transgender episode, likely linked to PTSD.

Anxiety Disorders

Severe anxiety and panic attacks can lead to transient experiences of depersonalization and derealization, where individuals feel disconnected from their body or surroundings. One of my best friends, a woman, chose cross-dressing based on her high anxiety level and panic attacks stemming from a problematic family life.

Depression

In some cases of severe depression, individuals may experience depersonalization or a sense of disconnection from their body as part of their overall symptoms. Many depressed people hate their bodies either partially or entirely. They may cover themselves with large clothes, makeup, or choose cross-dressing.

Schizophrenia and Other Psychotic Disorders

Individuals with schizophrenia or related psychotic disorders may experience body dissociation or estrangement from their body as part of their delusions or hallucinations.

Substance Use Disorders

Certain substances, particularly hallucinogens or dissociative drugs (e.g., ketamine, PCP), can induce temporary experiences of depersonalization and body dissociation.

Neurological Conditions

Certain neurological conditions, such as epilepsy (particularly temporal lobe epilepsy), can include symptoms of depersonalization and body dissociation.

These conditions can vary widely in their presentation and severity, and the sense of disconnection from one’s body can manifest differently depending on the underlying cause.

A proper differential diagnosis could save many people from a poorly normalized transgender diagnosis and its severe consequences.

Be a good psychiatrist, psychologist, or nurse, and do not buy into what society tries to sell you.

People could be helped or destroyed! Be one to help people!

The Ghost in My Apartment

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You find yourself in a perplexing and frustrating situation. Someone has been entering your apartment while you are away, and this person seems to know your schedule well, carefully timing their visits to avoid being caught. Despite your efforts to seek help, the police have refused to assist, leaving you feeling helpless and alone in dealing with this mysterious intruder.

Today, you experienced yet another unsettling incident. Before leaving your apartment for just 45 minutes, you numbered eight pieces of sushi on each tray, intending them for your kids. When you returned, you noticed that one tray now had only six pieces. This is not an isolated incident—similar things have happened before. Your socks, clothes, and bed sheets have gone missing or been tampered with on multiple occasions. This persistent intruder, whom you refer to as “The Ghost,” continues to mess around with your belongings, adding to your distress.

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As you reflect on the possible motivations for the intruder’s actions, a few scenarios come to mind. Is a Personal Vendetta or Grudge.

The intruder might have a personal vendetta against you or hold a grudge, leading them to invade your privacy and mess with your belongings as a form of harassment or revenge. This could be tied to a former coworker, a rich transgender alcoholic man involved in organized crime with governmental ties. During a heated confrontation at work, he yelled at you, “IT BELONGS TO ME,” when work resources were shared. He might be mentally unsettled, believing that someone is trying to take his entitled fortune, and sees you as part of this delusion.

Or may be a foreign spy, a gang leader, high dirty networking group or family, or may be an organized crime network that you undiscovered.

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Maybe it is about someone with Mental Health Issues.

This individual might be suffering from psychological issues, such as compulsive behavior or delusions, which drive “them” to repeatedly enter your apartment and interfere with your personal items. It is especially plausible if the person has a history of mental instability and paranoia. It could be a neighbor with mental health issues who fixates on your apartment due to their delusions or paranoia.

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Some people engage in such activities for the thrill or excitement of breaking into someone’s home without getting caught.

The risk and adrenaline rush might be motivating them. Another Mental Health Issue.

In some cases, the person might be in dire need of food or shelter. They might be taking your belongings and food out of necessity, driven by desperation.

This could be a neighbor in a survival phase, struggling with mental health issues and addictions, lacking moral and ethical values, and being part of the interlope underground world.

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The intruder could have noticed a pattern in your schedule and sees your apartment as an easy target, an “opportunity” for petty theft, taking small items and food that are less likely to be missed immediately and sell them out on underground market for coins.

You ask yourself WHY is this Lack of Action from Law Enforcement and Building Management?

And you suspect that local law enforcement and building management are not taking measures for several reasons.

The police may be overwhelmed with more pressing cases and lack the resources to address what they perceive as minor thefts or disturbances, low resources and costly.

Without clear evidence, lack of evidence or witnesses, law enforcement might find it challenging to take action or prioritize your case.

If the intruder has ties to organized crime, there could be corruption or fear of retaliation influencing law enforcement and management’s reluctance to intervene.

There may be legal and bureaucratic obstacles preventing swift action, such as the need for more substantial proof before obtaining warrants or taking significant steps.

The authorities and management might view the incidents as trivial or the result of personal disputes, leading them to downplay the severity and impact on your life.

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The situation is incredibly stressful and leaves you feeling a profound sense of hopelessness.

It’s disheartening and infuriating to see your hard-earned food, belongings, and private life violated by someone with an unsettled mind.

Every intrusion is a reminder of your vulnerability and the apparent indifference of those who should protect you. The thought that someone can invade your space so easily and without consequence shakes your faith in the system meant to safeguard your rights.

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The trauma of these repeated invasions has a significant impact on your mental and emotional well-being.

You feel constantly on edge, unable to relax in your own home, the one place where you should feel safe.

The violation of your personal space and the theft of your belongings not only cause financial loss but also erode your sense of security and peace of mind on this city and on this country!

You look at society, which prides itself on being “democratic” and just, and you feel betrayed.

How can such a society allow this to happen without taking measures?

It seems that your pleas for help fall on deaf ears, and the institutions designed to support and protect you are failing in their duties.

The lack of support and action from law enforcement and management only adds to your sense of isolation and fear.

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The permissiveness of society towards such invasive behaviors is baffling and deeply troubling.

You wonder how many others are suffering in silence, their rights and dignity compromised, while the system turns a blind eye.

This situation highlights a severe gap in the protective measures that are supposed to uphold the values of justice and safety in a democratic society.

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Despite the lack of external support, you decide to take action to protect your home and regain a sense of safety and peace. Here are the steps you plan to take.

You will install security cameras, alarm systems, and smart locks to deter the intruder and capture evidence of their activities.

You Change Routines (it seems that intruder know your work schedule). You will vary your schedule to make it less predictable, reducing the intruder’s ability to time their visits.

You will ask for Neighbor Support. Tell to your trustworthy neighbors about the situation and your schedule so they can keep an eye on your apartment and report any suspicious activity.

You will consult a lawyer to explore other legal avenues for addressing the situation, such as obtaining a restraining order if you have suspicions about the identity of the intruder.

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Freedom and personal privacy are the TWO main values in ANY DEMOCRATIC country!

Are you a DEMOCRATIC COUNTRY?
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