personal story

Eye glasses and jeans

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Eye glasses and jeans, and again I became tired of having strange people around.

We crave normality. A normal life, normal families, normal friends. A normal life. And as everyone knows, for the last 10 years my life has been far away from anything that means normality.

And I try to live and survive in it, because it is about survival in everything.

And I found that denying the HELL that I live in, but helping others, and enjoying with others their little or big wins by helping them, makes me happy.

It makes me happy that OTHERS, NORMAL PEOPLE with hard lives are free and win in their personal fights, professional fights, or day-to-day fights, with a dirty society and corruption that tries to put NORMAL people down. Because the screwed up and crazy ones always win!

Yesterday was hard because I realized that never ever I would be able to ice skate again! And ice skating for me was a big passion, it made me grounded and relaxed. And it is done!

But to compensate, like “I HATE this body because it gave up on me and lead me to this place and these crazy people,” I walk!

In places and sites where I stopped walking for the last 4 months! And if before these dirty, screwed up streets were so familiar to me, now everything has changed, like even gangs changed the boundaries. Lol, sure they changed them!

But it is not my business, not my problem, and more than anything IT IS NOT MY CORRUPTION!

I kept passing by, smiling and thinking who belongs to whom, and how fast dirty money makes dirty money, and power of course!

And of course EVIL, who else, pushed me to enter a new restaurant! Brand new, only 4 months.

And probably God compensated, by taking away my ability to skate, He gave me instead a much higher sensitivity to people’s vibes.

And if anything sounded like rejection, well that restaurant entrance WAS a REJECTION! By vibes!

But that was not the problem. In fact, it was normal! At how I look, I would reject myself too. Sure, I would not want to talk with myself!

The story started ONLY AFTER it, at the bus station!

When my extensive sensitivity felt someone too close, even at a distance, and too VIBRANT!

I started refusing my own feelings, because I try to live NORMAL, forgetting that IT IS MY NORMALITY.

As some of yours is to buy brand name clothes, others to drink alcohol, others to lie, or chase money, mine is… sensitivity to vibes! And I can’t control it!

It happens… when… I don’t know… why… I don’t know… how… I don’t know… but what I know is that it happens, whether I like it or not, accept it or not. And I realize it just after it happens!

So I turned my head to see where it was coming from.

Close to me, but far enough, was a man, 50–60 years old, tall, skinny, and bald. Nothing to be on vibes!

My subconscious was looking for the vibes, not for the man. He could have looked any way, just parts of who he was had the vibes, not all, not him.

And I needed to know what? My eyes scanned him two, maybe three times…

Face could be fake, baldness could be fake too, ears far from the head…

THE VIBES! I kept looking for the vibes.

And I want you to know that this process is milliseconds and totally subconscious.

Till I realized. It was about his eyeglasses and his jeans.

His eyeglasses had video camera recorders, and his jeans were RIFFLES Indigo – I had and wore them in high school! His shoes were European, probably Otters, extremely good quality leather.

The man was not a fit for a bus station, neither for the place nor the country.

And the man knew me!

Since when did he track me? Before entering the questionable restaurant or after it?

I took the bus in the wrong direction. I sat close to a homeless person, starting a conversation with him to figure out how I could change the route.

I didn’t schedule the exit! Neither could I in my situation! I chose a station and an exit!

My targeter came out too!

I had the confirmation of my supposition! He targeted me! ANOTHER CRAZY!

I don’t know what is happening, and I don’t know why it is happening to me!

Starting with the crazy person across my place, the whole dirty network around, and this daily targeting increased in the last months after my accident, my sensitivity leveled up.

And for sure I never wanted to be in this highly sensitive style. To be like I am is how I was born, and it is a normality for me, and a fun motive for all this circus play for craziness and their dirty networks.

Changed buses and lost him… at least that’s what I thought!

People need freedom and normality. If you target them like you target me, you will destroy humanity!

I wish to get out of this dirty place with crazy people, to have a normal life with normal people, because sincerely I DO NOT CARE about anyone’s craziness, if you stay away and do not mess with me!

So my dear bald, crazy man, keep yourself and your vibes away from me… I try to live free and happy, no dirty games around me, and I try to help normal poor others to live it too. Dirty games are not for me!

Go and ice skate! I can’t!
Go and work, make a business, make money! I can’t!
Enjoy your family, relatives, support your dirty crazy networks! I am alone and i want to be alone without your crazy values and crazy people!!
And NOT interested in any!

Hang with ones like you… but never ever in your life target me!

I pray to always stay the normal me, with my old school values and never to be like them – CRAZY!

And you better be sure who you are and set boundaries VERY CLEAR against any craziness!

Stubbornness Is Not Freedom — When Mental Illness Steals the Chance to Live

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As Christmas approaches, many of us begin reflecting on family, loss, and the meaning of life. This year, I found myself thinking not about clinical diseases—the ones we can see in blood tests or scans—but about a different kind of illness. One that hides behind emotions, beliefs, spiritual confusion, and fear.

I’m talking about mental illness.
About the invisible forces that distort reality, alter priorities, and sabotage life-saving decisions.

This year, I learned this lesson in the hardest, most heartbreaking way.

2025: The Year I Couldn’t Save Someone I Loved

Someone very dear to me was diagnosed with cancer.
A disease that, with the right doctors and treatment plan, is often survivable.

They had access to good medical care.
They had the right medications, a supportive oncology team, and a healthcare system ready to help.

But none of it mattered.

Because what we don’t talk about enough is this:

Cancer is treatable.
Delusion is not.

When a person’s mind is clouded by paranoia, fantasies, fears, spiritual confusion, or emotional turmoil, even the clearest medical facts become impossible to accept.

And I watched this unfold in real time.

When Delusions Become “Freedom”

We live in a culture that glorifies absolute personal freedom — even when it becomes self-destructive.

But stubbornness rooted in mental instability is not freedom.
It is a pathological form of freedom that comes from a mind detached from reality.

True freedom requires:

  • mental competency
  • rational thinking
  • the ability to understand consequences
  • the capacity to make informed decisions

Without these, “freedom” becomes a form of illness.

And sadly, someone always takes advantage of those who are mentally fragile.

Always.

This is not God’s will.
This is human manipulation, fear, and exploitation.

The People Who Encouraged Her Delusions

What hurt even more was seeing certain people around her encourage the delusions — sometimes out of denial, sometimes for selfish reasons.

They supported ideas that were not grounded in reality.
They minimized medical facts.
They fed the fantasy because it served them.

This isn’t love.
This isn’t support.
This is neglect wearing a mask of compassion.

Their influence didn’t heal her.
It killed her.

In Another Society, She Might Have Lived

I can’t stop thinking about this:

Would she still be alive if she lived in a society that protected vulnerable people better?

A society:

  • without corruption
  • without manipulative family dynamics
  • without predators hiding behind religion or business
  • without the stigma around mental illness

In a healthier environment, she might have accepted treatment.
She might have fought.
She might still be alive.

But instead, toxicity consumed her — and she died believing she was making a “free choice.”

A Light in the Darkness: Spain’s Healthcare System

Despite everything, I want to acknowledge something important:

Spain has one of the best healthcare systems I’ve ever encountered.

The medical teams were:

  • highly professional
  • coordinated
  • compassionate
  • equipped with excellent resources
  • dedicated to saving lives

They were ready to help her.
But you can’t treat someone who refuses treatment — even when their refusal is shaped by mental illness.

The law protects autonomy, even when that autonomy is distorted by delusion.

The Painful Truth

You can fight cancer.

You cannot fight a mind lost in delusion.

You cannot force someone to choose life when their illness convinces them otherwise.

And you cannot save someone who interprets dying as freedom.

Stubbornness Is Not Freedom

I know what freedom is.
I know what it isn’t.

Freedom is:

  • making informed decisions
  • understanding reality
  • choosing life when life can be saved
  • protecting your future

Anything else is not freedom — it’s suffering disguised as independence.

And it can cost a life.

What Love Is—and What It Definitely Is Not

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🏚️ When My Mother Came to Visit…

It was 2004. My mother stepped into my home for the first time in years. What she saw wasn’t the life she imagined for her daughter.

A child clung to my leg. My husband lounged on the couch, glued to the TV. And I—once a happy, free-spirited girl—stood in silence, surrounded by the shadows of poverty and exhaustion.

Her heart broke.
Because she realized something painful: I had become her. An unhappy wife with a disrespectful husband and a love story that had turned into survival mode.

💔 The Moment the Truth Fell Out

My mother didn’t have to wait long for confirmation. From his own mouth, my husband said:

“I never loved your daughter.”

He said it casually, like he was talking about the weather.
And just like that, everything I had given up—my home, my job, my country—was dismissed with one cold sentence.

🧳 The Price of Blind Devotion

I had followed this man to a country that saw me as an outsider from day one.

A country that claimed to be the “pearl of socialism,” but functioned like a corrupt old machine—you needed to belong to a gang, a church, or a political group to have a chance.

As a nurse? I had no chance unless I played dirty. And I wouldn’t.


Even their RN licensing exams were sold to “insiders.”

I was never meant to belong.
And worst of all?
My own husband didn’t believe in me either.

😤 The Reality Behind “Love”

Years passed.
I worked thousands of night shifts to keep our family afloat. He watched movies. Played games. Saved his money. Used mine.

And then, the harsh lesson hit me:

LOVE DOESN’T EXIST.


At least not the kind people talk about in movies.

Because what they call “love” often looks more like a transaction:

  • A man wants sex, comfort, and service.
  • A woman wants connection, respect, and partnership.
  • One gives. The other takes.
    And the giving one burns out.

👏 Let’s Redefine Love

Let me be clear.

Love is not blind. It’s just poorly advertised.

So, here’s what I’ve learned:

❌ WHAT LOVE IS NOT:

  • It’s not screaming just to be heard.
  • It’s not one person doing the emotional, financial, and physical labor.
  • It’s not carrying someone’s mental illness while they ignore yours or worst triggering yours.
  • It’s not surviving with someone who keeps you small.
  • It’s not sacrificing yourself to keep someone else comfortable.

✅ WHAT LOVE ACTUALLY IS:

  • It’s mutual effort, not martyrdom.
  • It’s respect and communication, not gaslighting.
  • It’s shared responsibilities, not financial leeching.
  • It’s boundaries and emotional maturity, not control.
  • It’s support, not silence.

If you’re doing everything and getting nothing?
That’s not love. That’s emotional slavery.

💡 Final Thought: Trust Souls, Not Feelings

No more crazy. No more saviors in disguise.
No more countries or systems or relationships that chew up good people and spit them out.

I’ve made peace with the truth:
Love isn’t some dreamy fairytale—it’s a partnership.
And if the souls don’t match, the story will never work.

✨ Moral of the Story:

You are not unlovable.
You were just too powerful for the wrong love.
Don’t shrink for anyone.
And don’t confuse attention with affection.
You deserve better.

What happens with my VILLA? ;) LOL