Broken in Hell: A Christmas Night That Changed Everything

Short personal fiction / symbolic narrative

Two days before Christmas, I was physically and spiritually broken.

This story is written by a woman with no friends, many enemies, and a body shaking from legally induced opioid withdrawal. A woman living in a country that breaks its own people—through corruption, communism, violence, fear, and systems that pretend to protect while slowly destroying souls.

But this story did not begin with pain.

It began with love.

My child wanted to give me a Christmas gift. A simple one. A moment together. What mother would say no? No matter the weather, no matter the exhaustion, I went. When he said, “Let’s go,” I answered without hesitation.

That night, the rain was heavy. Dark. Relentless. The streets were empty. Only the two of us walked, hand in hand, spending our little money, enjoying the city in silence.

Nothing warned me of what was coming.

Until the shop.

The Nuts Shop

At first, it was nothing special. Just another small stand selling Chinese-style nut-filled dough balls. But something was different.

The vibe.

My child—who never asks for food—stopped suddenly and said,
“I want nuts from here.”

We stood there in the storm. Wind, rain, darkness. Five minutes passed. Then ten. Then fifteen. Almost half an hour.

The young woman selling the food moved strangely slowly. Not rude. Not busy. Just… detached. As if time worked differently for her. As if we were waiting inside a loop that only she controlled.

And my child seemed mesmerized—drawn by the smell, the waiting, the moment.

Why did we stay?

I still ask myself that.

The Encounter

Then I noticed him.

A young man. He looked no older than fourteen. Too pale. Too thin. His arms were unnaturally long beneath black clothing. His eyes—sharp, watching. His fingers moved strangely near his watch, as if measuring something invisible.

Next to him stood another figure, heavier, darker, aggressive in presence. Something about them felt wrong. Not dangerous in a loud way—but in a quiet, unsettling one.

We stood together in the rain, waiting for nuts.

In a temporal loop.

The young man smiled, as if he wanted to speak. Normally, I would have answered. But something inside me rejected the moment completely. A deep instinct screamed no.

I looked at my child and made a small sign: This is crazy. We’re leaving.

And we left.

The Fall

Five hundred meters later, at a bridge between two streets, something changed.

The air felt heavy. Pressured. As if the ground shifted beneath me.

And then I fell.

Hard.

Pain exploded through my body. A broken leg. The world blurred. Strangers appeared. An ambulance. Long waiting hours in wet clothes. Fear, shock, exhaustion.

The nuts—still intact.

That detail haunted me. AGAIN about nuts!
Similarity? A “date with a nut” sent me poisoned to hospital last year!

Aftermath

The days that followed were worse.

Surgery. Pain medication – Opioids. Then withdrawal. Cold sweats. Palpitations. Nausea. Anxiety. Darkness. My child counting my breaths, whispering:
“If you stop breathing, I’ll shake you.”

And I woke up. Every time.

I am a nurse. I know what withdrawal feels like. I know what overdose feels like. I know how easily pain can turn into dependence. And I refused to let that happen to me.

Cold turkey.

I will not become another casualty of a system that creates addiction and calls it treatment.

What This Story Is Really About

This is a story about aliens and very dirty and dark intelligence!

It is a story about fear, trauma, exhaustion, and how the human mind searches for meaning when reality becomes unbearable.

It is about how societies fail their people.
How pain isolates.
How love—especially a child’s love—keeps us alive.

And how close we all are to breaking.

This Christmas, I learned one thing clearly:

Evil does not need monsters.
It only needs systems that forget humanity.

And faith—faith in something higher than suffering—is sometimes the only thing that keeps us standing.

Happiness Therapy: Why I Changed My Wednesday Place

Last Wednesday, something shifted.

Not in the sky, not in the streets—but inside me.

I changed my Wednesday afternoon place. You might wonder why?

Well… let’s say I was just looking for a slow moment: a chai, some gentle music, my notebook, and the comfort of stories.

But even when you’re not looking for trouble—it has a strange way of finding you.

A man from my past showed up.

We had a history. I did him a favor once and saved his life, and in some odd twist of fate, he did me one now — just by showing up.

You see, some people share a table, and the image of the past is between them.

Two people with too much between them can’t stay in the same seat.

So I left.

I didn’t want to complicate things or have another chance of a crazy teacup.

I was looking for peace—only.


✨ A Glimpse of Love… and Something More

At my new place, I noticed a young woman sitting alone. For over an hour, she just stayed. Quiet. Thoughtful.
It felt like watching a version of myself. Alone.
Still.
Processing.

But then—suddenly—a man rushed in. Her boyfriend, wearing a dirty kitchen apron, crossing the street on his break just to share dinner with her.

A sandwich, a few laughs.
Love in the air.
And something simple… something real.


💛 Healing Before Happiness

That moment made me think about writing a different kind of story.
Not a love story. A therapy story.

Because here’s a truth that hit me hard that day:

Love isn’t supposed to heal you.
Healed souls are the only ones who can truly love.

To love deeply, to be happy—you have to be radically open, brave enough to be vulnerable.
And if you have pain, unhealed wounds, bitterness, resentment—then what you’re calling “love” might just be a desperate simulation.


💬 Why Am I Not Happy?

Ask yourself this:
“Why am I not happy?”

The answer might not be what you think.
Your soul might not be healed.
Your mind might still be looping old pain.
Your body might be worn from pretending.

Or maybe it’s all of it.

And here’s the hard part:
Only you can heal it.

Not your pet.
Not your partner.
Not money.
Not success.

Only you can walk toward that healing.


🛤 Change the Place. Change the Self.

Sometimes, you need to change your café.
Sometimes, you need to change your life.

Change your space.
Change your body.
Change your beliefs.
Change your relationship with your past, your habits, your silence, your noise.

Healing isn’t easy, but it’s real.
And it’s yours alone to find.


💥 My Own Unhappiness

For me?
I realized that I’m tired of living in a society where:

  • Good, normal people are constantly watched and controlled,
  • While toxic, dishonest people live free and are even supported in their chaos.

That distortion messes up my life and home. It steals joy.

Because I believe life should be normal and free—not one or the other.

You can’t be crazy and free, it doesn’t work.
You can’t be normal and controlled, it’s soul-destroying.

You must choose how you want to live—then fight for that version of freedom with everything you have.


🧭 Final Note

So no, this isn’t a love story.
It’s a therapy one.

A reminder that your healing is your responsibility.
That your peace might come from a different bench, a new table, a fresh song, or a warm cup of tea in a quieter corner.

Not by stealing or messing with someone else’s home and life! And naming it CONTROL!

Start there.

Happiness is always genuine!

https://youtu.be/PmeRiTUS_aU

What Love Is Not – A Mother’s Day Tribute to Maria

Today, I want to write a story about love. But not the love we think we know—because trauma often tricks us. When you’ve grown up in a household shaped by abuse, addiction, or mental illness, you may learn to love out of survival, not understanding what love truly means.

We believe we know love because we love people. But that’s not always enough. Sometimes, what we call “love” is just the ache to be loved in return. Trauma teaches us to perform love, to give too easily, hoping someone—anyone—will love us back. It creates a false version of ourselves: insecure, eager, desperate. Loving to be loved. And that’s the mistake.

Let me tell you the story of Maria—one of the most important stories of my life.

It was through Maria that I learned what love is not. Because of her, Mexico will always be close to my heart.


Maria’s Story

Maria was a Mexican dressmaker—young, beautiful, with black curly hair and always a big, colorful flower pinned to her hair. She was poor, but full of life, talent, and determination. She met an American man with a disability, and she married him, hoping to build a better life.

Maria worked tirelessly. She sold dresses, skirts, bedsheets—anything she could make with her hands. She had one baby. Then another. Then a third. And still, she handled everything: the household, the kids, and a husband with mental health issues who refused to work.

She didn’t have citizenship. She had almost nothing but her hands, her smile, her babies—and her dignity.

I remember meeting her on the street one day. I was with my partner, and he made fun of me in front of her—mocking my English and education to feel superior. I felt so humiliated.

But Maria stood up. With a naked baby on her hip, she looked him in the eye and said:

“A man is only as good as the way he treats his woman. And if you can’t lift her up, or worse—you try to put her down—you deserve to be alone.”

That day, Maria taught me what dignity looks like. And she showed me what love is not.


The Silent Sisterhood

My mother didn’t speak English. Maria didn’t speak my mother’s language either. But they always understood each other—through signs, gestures, glances. Because abused women always understand each other.

On the bus, Mama would always greet Maria, and Maria would always respond. Two women, broken but resilient, recognizing something familiar in one another.

Maria eventually left her husband. She took her three kids, found a job, and chose freedom. She is alive. She is free.

My mother didn’t get that chance. She went back to our home country, where she lived a life of abuse. She died in the same bed with her abuser—left to die, by the one who broke her.


This Mother’s Day

As Mother’s Day arrives, I think of Maria.

I think of the strength of women.
I think of freedom.
I think of the importance of knowing what love is not—so we can finally recognize what it is.

Love isn’t control.
Love isn’t humiliation.
Love isn’t earned through suffering.

Love is freedom. Love is dignity. Love is normal.

If someone’s mind cannot understand the normality of love because of their own trauma or mental illness, we must leave them.

We must protect our life, peace, and protect those we love.

Maria is free. My mother is gone.

And I am here—still learning, still healing, still remembering.

Happy Mother’s Day to every woman who loved through pain.

And to those who had the courage to walk away from what love is not.

Thank you, Maria.

Photo by Samer Daboul on Pexels.com


Thank you, Mama.

Photo by Yogendra Singh on Pexels.com


Thank you, Mexico.

Narcissism and Psychopathy


Narcissism and psychopathy are not just psychological words but a dynamic it self.

When these traits converge in one partner, it’s less of a love story and more of a disaster movie with extra drama. Here’s a closer look at!

“Guess What, Darling!”

Imagine a woman approaching her partner with exciting news about his retirement options.

She’s glowing with excitement, thinking she’s helping him solve a puzzle. Instead of a heartfelt “Thank you,” he responds with a look that says, “Why are you wasting my time?”

“What is this nonsense?” he scoffs, dismissing her effort with the enthusiasm of a cat rejecting a cucumber.

Not only does he disregard her input, but he goes the extra mile, questioning her intelligence, her sources, and probably her ability to microwave popcorn correctly.

And as a cherry on top, he subtly undermines her entire social network.

It’s an Olympic-level performance in condescension.

It’s a masterclass in making someone feel smaller than a forgotten post-it note.

Gaslighting Gala

Later, when woman tries to revisit the conversation, hoping he’ll be more receptive, things take a surreal turn.

Suddenly, he’s not just unimpressed; he’s the victim.

The system, the world, and now her well-meaning efforts are all part of a grand plot against him. He denies ever dismissing her—gaslighting her into questioning reality—and accuses her of overreacting.

By the end, she’s left wondering if she hallucinated the entire episode.

Spoiler alert: she didn’t.

The One-Man Show of Narcissism and Psychopathy

This partner’s behavior is a perfect storm of narcissistic arrogance and psychopathic manipulation.

Here’s how these traits make the drama unfold:

  1. Narcissistic Ego Parade: His belittling isn’t random; it’s tactical. By putting her down, he elevates himself as the only “smart” one in the room.
  2. Psychopathic Plot Twisting: Gaslighting is his pièce de résistance. He doesn’t just win arguments; he rewrites reality to suit his narrative.
  3. Empathy Vacuum: Whether he’s dismissing her or playing the victim, empathy is nowhere to be found. It’s all about control and dominance.

The Emotional Fallout: Welcome to Confusion City

Woman, caught in this whirlwind, feels like she’s stuck in a psychological maze. Symptoms include:

  • Doubting her every thought and action.
  • Feeling like her efforts are as welcome as a telemarketer at dinner.
  • Asking herself if she’s the problem (newsflash: she’s not).

Why It’s So Hard to Spot

Narcissists and psychopaths are emotional illusionists. His arrogance might masquerade as confidence, and his manipulation could look like charm. Society often plays along, excusing these traits as quirks or “he just has a strong personality.” Meanwhile, Saint is left questioning her sanity.

Breaking the Cycle: Woman’s Comeback

The first step to escaping this domestic drama is recognizing the signs.

Therapy can be a lifeline for woman, giving her the tools to reclaim her reality.

As for him, change is unlikely without a major epiphany—and narcissists and psychopaths aren’t exactly known for those.

For her, building boundaries, seeking support, and embracing her worth are the ultimate power moves.

Living with a partner who embodies narcissism and psychopathy is like being trapped in a play where the plot never makes sense, and the lead actor keeps stealing your lines.

By understanding these traits and their impact, she can finally reclaim her story.

Life’s too short for endless drama—and she deserves a life with respect, peace, and way fewer plot twists.

Tears in Hell

I cried. I cried through my childhood, my teenage years, and even during my marriage, surviving both emotional and physical abuse.

And then I became wild—wild so that no one would ever touch me again. Ever!

But no one taught me that people struggling with mental health issues could destroy you even worse than physical abuse.

Because women, like me, always try to fix someone. And that’s the trap!

No one can truly be fixed. No one can be taken care of .

Mental health struggles can’t be cured—they can be managed, controlled, and balanced, but never cured.

And if you try to fix them, you will lose the battle. Every. Single. Time.

So I cried again. From 2002 to 2007, I cried every single day—worse on Christmas than on any other day. Like today.

Because people with mental health issues are unable to realize what they’re doing.

To them, it’s normal. But their “normality” isn’t normal.

I read hundreds of books. I took hundreds of classes.

And still, I learned this hard truth: people with mental health struggles CAN use and manipulate others—because no one will tells them the truth about THEM own selves!

No one says: “You are mental sick, and if you’re not aware of it, your behavior will hurt and destroy normal people. Or worse—others who are already hurted because of someone like you.”

So I cried.

Until one day, I was saved and FREE in the USA.

But I wasn’t safe. I was still an easy target—still used and abused. Vulnerable people will always remain vulnerable until they become aware of their vulnerabilities.

But today, the cycle of my abuse ended!

No more tears. No more wild responses. No more being manipulated by narcissistic behaviors. No more ignorance of toxic dynamics like triangulation. No more tolerating obsessive or controlling behaviors.

Today, I stood up and spoke out.

This is the truth. This is THE normal—not madness, not chaos, not twisted behaviors.

Like it or not, everyone is free to embrace their own “madness”—but NOT with me. Not around me.

So today, I didn’t cry. I wasn’t wild. I simply said: NO.

No to manipulation. No to madness.

Normality, not Craziness!

“My WAY” – Shifting the psychopathic narcissistic power

Every single time I say “the narcissist,” my mind goes to my mom’s death. Left to die, refusing her care, he turned his back on her, slept in the same bed, and left her to die. By morning, she was dead!

This isn’t just a narcissist or psychopath; it’s more than that — it’s a killer!

And in every single narcissistic psychopath, there’s a killer ready to destroy anyone who refuses to do things “HIS/HER WAY.”

You can’t fight it because you’re ALWAYS alone, and the psychopaths are TOGETHER! Don’t even try to talk to them about GOD; they don’t believe in it. God is only for them when it’s part of their way. Don’t talk to them about HELL because they don’t believe in that either!

Don’t talk to them about your pain and suffering because they don’t believe in it!

They don’t know right from wrong, and as soon as wrong serves their interests, it’s perfectly right!

Highly mentally sick, if they can’t use you, they will destroy you and everything you are.

And then the story!

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

/

Why did the Ukrainian war start? What if my “fiction” story is a TRUE story?

If you want to stop a war, you MUST know why and how the war started! More than a long history are those facts!

I keep asking myself, why doesn’t RUSSIA make these facts public? Talking about their closed-door negotiations with “the Nazi groups” who played them!

A dream of a Nazi Ukrainian group is to liberate Ukraine. But if you are a psychopathic Nazi narcissist, you will play your way toward it, destroying your “enemy”!

It’s like how my mom died! Assured that she was loved. Assured that she was safe!

I am not part of any services, no affiliation, and no support for any power involved.

I just know how a narcissist thinks and works “HIS WAY.”

Why doesn’t the narcissist want ANYTHING to belong to him at death time?

Because EVERYTHING he had didn’t belong to him but to someone else, from whom HE STOLE.

Photo by cottonbro studio on Pexels.com

Today I told him! “You are nothing; my mom was everything! You gaslighted, destroyed her, alienated her, messed with her life and mind, secluded her, abused her, TURNED HER AGAINST people who loved her, to have ultimate control over her and KILL HER!”

He laughed, “I was everything; your mom was nothing without me!”

She would be ALIVE without you!

Then I realized what happened with RUSSIA and the NAZIS.

The Nazis alienated Russia from its supporters. After, I believe there was an alliance behind closed doors. And after Russia realized it was being played in these dirty Nazi games, it attacked UKRAINE.

They didn’t attack UKRAINE; they attacked the Nazis from UKRAINE.

My mom lost her strength and was bed-bound when she realized my father’s games.

He cut off all her support networks and controlled all communication, including calls and people who entered her room. The same happened with Russia. Nazis did it!

But Russia was competent to fight against it! They attacked Ukraine! But they didn’t attack it. They attacked THE NAZIS who were playing games in and with Ukraine.

When my mom called me to save her, and I started fighting with my NAZI father, he started to beat me. And called for support all his flying monkeys. In front of my children’s eyes!

Putin fights a Nazi narcissist group in UKRAINE, supported by its flying monkeys.

Ukraine is not alone! Russia is!

Because as strange as it looks, THE NARCISSISTIC NAZI is hidden, allied with “mom Russia support.”

My mom died not because of my Nazi narcissist father but because she TURNED AGAINST HER, or cut all her support. Except for me!

But far away and poor, I couldn’t save her!

Photo by Thgusstavo Santana on Pexels.com

Now the fight is back! One of my mom’s “dirty” flying monkeys, the strongest one even if it let mom die, now she wants MOST of the “world” power. And she attacked the NAZI narcissist and the other flying monkeys.

I can’t bring my mom back! They killed her together! But what I can do is support this powerful flying monkey to present to the world what a NARCISSIST NAZI could do to people.

I am destroyed! Like life, career, and human being. They killed my mom, destroyed my family, took over my life, controlled me, messed with me. No life but A GOD! But what I can do is to make CLEAR from where the mess started and why.

And how a dirty NAZI NARCISSIST destroyed a world, a family, good genuine people.

Money? I don’t take dirty money coming from bloody hands.

If I could live free, I would make my honest money. But I can’t.

The war can be stopped. If Russia has the intelligence and courage to tell the world THE TRUE STORY about the psychopathic narcissist Nazi group in UKRAINE and put herself in the vulnerable position of why they attacked UKRAINE, peace will come.

Because RUSSIA wants peace, the power flying monkey wants to take over controlling the world power, and the psychopathic Nazi narcissist MUST give up on his power games. The poles of power will be switched in the world.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

As for me, I will stay as always with the one who will have less power and less money. Because I am too old to learn a new language! ;).

Million roses are not money, but roses!

Photo by picjumbo.com on Pexels.com

/https://youtu.be/ZS64OA5QxsI?si=uCTSFkwL9zK0ikBY