#covertops

I Just Wanted Coffee… But Apparently I’m in a Spy Movie Now

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Welcome to My Morning: Screaming Man, Flying Hands, and the End of Sanity

It started with a scream. Not mine, surprisingly.

I peeked out the corner of my house and saw a man doing aggressive hand signs like he was trying to land an invisible airplane or cast a Harry Potter spell. Screaming. Flaring. Doing The Spy Hokey Pokey.

And of course—he had an escort. Because what’s a breakdown without backup?

The escort was high too. I’m talking eyes-glazed, “Is that a ninja?” high.

Behind the wheel of a car. Because nothing says “international security” like a baked driver and his unhinged friend throwing gang signs.

The Hand Signs? Oh, They Come Back.

At the time, I thought, “Weird Sunday. Let Intel deal with him.”

Little did I know those hand signs would become the theme of my day.

Like jazz hands, but threatening.

Surveillance Grid: 500 Meters of Anxiety and Vibes

As I walked, I felt watched.

But not in the someone’s checking you out at a café way—more like ten people in earpieces just marked you as ‘Target: THE Civilian’.

A whole 500m x 500m block of eye contact and silent watch.

I was basically starring in an unauthorized, unpaid reboot of The Bourne Identity, except I forgot my lines and nobody gave me a cool trench coat.

I Just Wanted a Coffee, Okay?

I ducked into a shop. One mission: espresso. One hope: peace.

What I got? More agents. Packs of them. Looking like rejected extras from Men in Black: Discount Edition.

Some I’d seen before. Somewhere. Maybe a nightmare. Maybe Costco. Who knows?


I grabbed my coffee like it was an artifact and marched on—brave face forward, caffeine-fueled craziness rising.

Surprise! My Stalker’s Back (And Still Creepy!)

Then boom—corner of the street. My personal creeper. The man, the myth, the weird guy who always shows up like he’s auditioning for “Creepy Background Character #2.”


At this point, I was like, “Say cheese!” and snapped a photo.

If I vanish, I want someone to have a blurry picture of the guy who probably caused it.

Even Babies Looked Suspicious

I started side-eyeing everyone.
The lady with the stroller? Deep cover.
The baby? Possibly a tiny camera with legs.
My craziness? 100% personal

Grandma on the Bus… IS “She”?

Then it happened. “Grandma” got on the bus three stops after me. Silver wig. Soft smile. Fake everything.

I spotted the wig instantly. It was the kind of wig that screams, “I bought this five minutes ago in a gas station toilet.”

Then, plot twist: she moves seats while the bus is moving.

Excuse me? NO GRANDMA DOES THAT.
Unless she’s actually a 32-year-old trained in Krav Maga wearing orthopedic shoes for disguise.

She sits behind me and hits me with the classic spy pickup line:

“If I ever cut my hair, I’d want it to look like yours.”


Wig. Confirmed. Game on.

I played dumb.

Told her to visit “Ali’s Wig & Barbershop.”
Smile. Deflect. Survive.

Organized Crime or Spy Theater? Why Not Both?

Spies and criminals are like cats and raccoons—suspiciously similar until one claws you and the other steals your banana.

When spies start freelancing for gangs, it becomes SpyTok International Edition. And guess who’s the unwilling main character?

THIS GUY.

The Asian Femme Fatale Enters Stage Left (Loudly)

Next stop: a new mask enters the game. Asian. Flashy. Talked like she was on fast-forward.
Aggressive energy of a teapot that never whistles—just explodes.

Her vibe was: “I could stab you or save you, but I’m definitely yelling either way.”

Her performance? A+ insanity. I was convinced she and Grandma Wig had planned this whole thing over brunch and fake IDs.

Conclusion: I’m the Star of a Spy Show No One Asked ForHere’s what I’ve learned:

  • Coffee is dangerous.
  • Wigs are never just wigs.
  • If your stalker shows up again, it’s time to start charging rent.
  • Spies are either very bad at their job… or very good leading gangs for real.


I’m not Intel. I don’t want to be Intel. And if one more fake grandma compliments my hair, I’m buying a helmet and moving to ICEland.

Final Thoughts

This isn’t the life I dreamed of.
This isn’t even a life Netflix would promote.
But here I am—public transit’s most sad antihero.

Still Not A Spy but not a Gang either


If you’ve ever been seduced by a wig-wearing operative on a bus, leave a comment.
Let’s start a support group.
We meet Monday No disguises allowed.

Intelligence agents and “Suicide”

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“#Suicide” is used by intelligence services to target anyone who makes them feel “less intelligent.” Anywhere in the world!

Photo by Yan Krukau on Pexels.com



I’ve worked around some CIA agents—the worst work experience ever! Say NO to ANY #intelligence services! Think You Can Join the CIA? YouTube Video

Let’s analyze this video script!

The last couple of intelligence officers I encountered at my jobs were so mentally and physically screwed up that you could barely call them “intelligence officers.” And they were dangerous too. When you’re conditioned by a country to believe you’re the best, it’s hard to accept that you are LESS than the image they’ve created in your mind!

Every intelligence agency in the world is different, but they are all based on the same principles: extracting targeted information.

That is their mission. They target people and extract information. It’s like having two personalities in one body—the dirty scumbag that is the intelligence officer and the real person underneath.

Uncovering an intelligence officer and destroying their persona is not as dangerous for them as it is for the whole operation and their ego!

Because it means that all the training, the persona in place, and all the “plans of action” were wrong.

There is no one more vengeful than an uncovered intelligence officer, especially one with MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES, caught in a full-blown crisis.

Now back to the video!

Let’s analyze it! Is the person true? Is the video true? Is the message true?

Well, my dear readers, like everything CIA-related for the public, it’s a fake!

The person, the video, and the message are all made to manipulate people. And yes, it is a business. A CIA business!

I always said, and I keep saying, STAY AWAY from anything that intelligence services do. It is dirty!

Now the meanings!

The direct meaning of the video, focused on YOU: You’re the crazy one, broken, not understood by society, feeling superior and suicidal. YOU, by your own will, come and enroll in the CIA! The message is wrong in content and veracity, made to manipulate people!

The dirty, indirect meaning of the message is much more persuasive and dangerous. It focuses on WE – THE CIA: “WE WILL ENROLL crazy suicidal people.”

It’s about targeting audiences with two focuses: targeting the suicidal ones who now believe they could be CIA agents in their craziness, and targeting OTHER SECRET SERVICES, organized crime, and other dirty networks, announcing that “the CIA will hire suicidal people.”

All in all, stay away from anyone telling you they are a CIA agent, or if you have any clue that your job, circle, or people you meet could be part of any intelligence agency!

You must hate your life so much to work for people who hate people!

Arrange your life somehow, anyhow… do not let others take care of it!

LIVE away from dirty intelligence services! They don’t have a life! They have THE MISSION!