Funny life stories

Mastering Café Con Leche: My Kontessa Experience

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The story of me and Kontessa, that overpriced, pretentious espresso pot I blew way too much cash on back in 2017. Every bean I threw at that shiny bitch came out tasting like hot regret and broken dreams. I tried to yeet it into the trash, pawn it off on friends, even begged strangers to take it as a “thoughtful” gift. Nobody wanted the cursed thing.

Then—bam—2025 rolls around, the stars finally align, I used actual decent water for once, toss in some random Spanish coffee, and holy mother of caffeine—Kontessa suddenly births the greatest café con leche known to man. Creamy, sweet, life-changing.

I’m standing there like an idiot going, “Wait… ALL THESE YEARS I’ve been torturing myself and this solid steel diva was just waiting for me to stop being a moron?”

Why didn’t I figure it out sooner? Why’d I waste nearly a decade hating my own coffee maker?

I don’t know, man. God’s got a sick sense of humor and apparently a very specific pour-over schedule.

Moral of the story: sometimes the universe makes you suffer for eight years just because was not the right time, right place, right coffee, right water, right milk, right you, right situation, right everything. Not the right vibes!

Trust the process. Or trust God. Or just trust a better coffee. Whatever.

Showering with a Broken Leg Is an Extreme Sport

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Once upon a time… guess what? I’m back. 😎

No one ever tells you how hard it is to take a shower with a broken leg and alone. But IMHO, that’s the fun part!

Ah, and I forgot to mention one more important tool for me — the trash picker. As a “broken-leg woman,” it’s essential because:

  • You never know what trash is on your way that you need to pick up safely.
  • Sometimes things fall, and picking them up is unsafe or impossible.
  • And the best use? IMHO, it doubles as a defense weapon against ghosts, crazy people, and bad vibes — because you never know when they’re close. 😂

So, I keep it next to my shower bench. And it finally helped me reach the top of the shower curtain, which was too far to reach otherwise. By this time, after so much hustle, I was already tired and almost ready to give up. 😂

Sitting on the bench and stepping into the tub is the most dangerous procedure I’ve done since I was once pushed to walk and threatened on a bridge by a gang member — but that’s another story, full of corruption.

I thought to myself: If I lived through that, I can live through this. Transferring my self, pivoting onto my feet, from wheelchair to the bench onto the tub — and I did it! 💪

Tips for Balance and Safety

  1. Always stay balanced while sitting.
  2. If your wounds aren’t fully healed, ask your doctor and if he is ok, cover the leg with a special waterproof cover protector . It’s uncomfortable, but it works.
  3. Never, ever shower alone if your setup is plastic or slippery — emergency slip risk is real.
  4. Keep your hands, feet, and floor dry at all times when you transfer. No mats that could slide (see my previous story).
  5. Pivot slowly to the safe spot — like your wheelchair — don’t jump.

Shower as Therapy

Turning on the shower was my “AHA!” moment. Take a deep breath, do it, and IMHO, you can shower almost as usual with proper precautions:

  • Keep your leg slightly bent under the bench or lateral so the water never hits wounds directly.
  • Rinse thoroughly, including “hard-to-reach” parts.
  • Use long-handled scrubbing tools (see the previous story).
  • Even with warm water, your ankle will loosen up — perfect for gentle ROM exercises (if approved by your doctor).
  • DO NOT stand alone — I only did it because I had Siri ready to call 911 and “spying eyes” from my house.

Humor & Life Lessons

Wash your “camel” properly — yes, IMHO, it’s more than a kitty, it’s a big, fluffy camel. Rinse carefully so soap doesn’t hit the floor. Dry thoroughly while still seated. Dry your hands and feet first, then carefully put on boot while still stable on the bench.

Your life may be messy. People may be crazy. But only you control how beautiful your life can be.

  • Drink water.
  • Take a snack.
  • Breathe.
  • Rest.

Shower is therapy. Cleaning is therapy. Fun is therapy. Proof that you’re alive, no matter what or who tried to put you down.

Takeaway with you

It’s all about resilience. You must thrive and survive, and yes, you can do it.

By the way, what moisturizing body cream do you use? 😉
Next story: I’ll tell you about my creams, perfumes, and how I survived the most horrifying place imaginable — surrounded by twisted, crazy people.

When an American Nurse Survives Her Shower – Broken Ankle Rehab!

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It’s hard to believe that one day it will be impossible to do your own shower and that you will become a burden to your kids and family. But life will show you that one day it will happen. And if you are smart, you need to think about it. 🤯

But this is not a sad story. This is a really fun one — about how broken ankle rehabilitation can bring fun, joy, and lots of laughs, because this is life. How you look at life and events matters A LOT! 😎

Step 1: The Horse Smell Reality Check 🐴💦

First, brutal truth: if a horse smells somehow, you probably will smell like it if you don’t shower.

Thank God I still don’t pee my pants… yet. But a shower is a must, 😅. By the way, did you check your pants today? 👀 After a certain age, it’s better to be true to yourself. If a small “lost” happens, put on a new underwear, or even a big pad, and change it often and shower.

Otherwise, you’ll smell different than a horse, but still. And yes — so many old people smell like that. 😅

So let’s be clear: no horse smell, por favor! (I make a disservice to horses talking about them, but that’s just how you smell if you don’t shower, 😅.)

Shower time! Don’t grow a stuffed horse tail! 🐴🚫

Step 2: Today Was the Day to Prove Myself 💪✨

I never wanted to be a burden to my family, and today I felt much stronger than the “vegetable me” after surgery when I barely moved in bed onto the commode. TODAY was the day to prove myself!

If I told my family I would shower by myself, they’d scream “NOOOO, it’s dangerous!” 😱 But only YOU know if it’s dangerous or not. It’s better to assess your mental and physical capacities quickly, without overestimating. Always put the unexpected in your plan.

I decided I could do it! Like deciding to talk on the moon! 🌕🚀 But I had a plan.

Step 3: The Plan – Think Two Thousand Times 📝🤪

The plan started with gathering everything I would need. And you need to think — not twice, but two thousand times, because in the shower, it’s just you. Every single step could be a risk assumed. Do not take it lightly!

Step 4: Category 1 – The Shower 🛁🔥

Do I have everything I need inside the shower? Except a mobile shower head, LOL. 😤

BRO, I will never forget that you refused to install my mobile shower. You made my life harder with your EGO. Like, you don’t know that a vagina is top to bottom, and the fixed shower rain is also top to bottom. How am I supposed to clean my private parts, twist my arms, legs, head, and body on a broken leg, in a shower chair under a fixed shower head, careful not to slip on the tub floor? HUH? 😡

What’s wrong with you? GUILTY! No empathy! LOL 😂

Step 5: The Checklist (Girls, Write This Down!) 📝💥

Put it on paper (words from my RN Trauma Manager 😂)

Inside the shower:

  • Shower bench — check ✅
  • TWO non-slip mats — two covering the bathfloor; and two for bathtub’sbottom, you never know when a leg might slip — check 🛡️
  • Showerbench — legs adjusted, must stay HORIZONTAL with two legs in bath, two outside
  • Shower curtain — properly adjusted (otherwise flood warning) 🚨
  • Shower head — properly positioned; moving it is dangerous ⚠️
  • Shower gel, shampoo, sponge — within arm’s reach 🧴
  • Long-handled brush for back (everything in my house has a long handle, lol) 🖐️
  • Pot with long handle — to rinse private parts, because without mobile shower head, soap collects; unless you want bubbles on the floor, rinse “IT” manually 💦

Did I mention a small bath towel? Yes — better than a sponge. 🛁

Outside the shower:

  • Shower supportbar — steady support point
  • My support points was: shower bar, sink cabinet, door wall 🏗️
  • Make sure floors are dry, no missing mats, no towel on the floor 🚫🧻
  • Everything must be within arm’s reach ✋

Because I’m crazy, I took my cellphone — hidden in dirty laundry, at least close enough to hear me yelling: “SIRI, call 911, because I fell naked in the shower!” 😂

Clothes: make a list not to forget socks and undies — hey bro, buy me new ones, because mine were stolen. Keep all clothes close to your wheelchair. Keep wheelchair locked all the times.

Other essentials: towels, hair, face, body supplies. NO hydration cream until back in bed — a little cream and you can fall. ⚠️

Step 6: Action! The Shower Mission 💦😎

  • Move carefully onto the bench
  • Test every support point before transfer your body (more about it on next story)
  • Wash, rinse, repeat… with “oh no, my povrecito leg!” and “Siri, call 911!”
  • Chaos + bubbles everywhere
  • Victory is mine 🏆✨

Step 7: Post-Shower Reward & Reflection ☕💖

  • Dry off carefully
  • Hydrate; skip moisturizing cream on hands and feet until you are on bed
  • Enjoy a decaf coffee or small treat — you survived! 😋

Step 8: Key Takeaways from Chaos 💡🤣

  • Plan everything — inside and outside
  • Know your limits — mentally and physically
  • Laugh at chaos — rehab can be fun
  • Tools = life savers

🎉 Conclusion:
Showering after ankle rehab isn’t just hygiene — it’s a victory over your limitations. Plan it, laugh a lot, and celebrate every messy, chaotic, ridiculous success. Life is short — make your showers fun, safe, and full of personality! 🎊

Check out the next story, tomorrow, to see how I actually did the shower after all the prep ➡️ My Real Shower Adventure After Prep! 🛁😜